Raenie doesn’t live here anymore

New blog jive is HERE
Come on over.

Working at the health clinic I am breathed on, coughed on and in physical contact with sick people and their fluids all day.
One of our patients asked me if it makes me worried that I will “catch something”. No. It makes me want to hug all of them and tell them that we will make them feel better. A woman came in today and she remarked at how warm my hands were. I realized she was very cold and brought her a blanket. I wanted to stay in the room with her through her procedure and hold her to keep her warm and calm her nerves.
Healing is so much more than external wound mending and physiologically explained ailments. It is deeply internal. I hope that I will be the kind of care-provider who will offer all aspects of healing to the patients I come in contact with.

Sappy health care ideals interrupted:
Vera cat just peed on a piece of paper on the floor in our office. She was staring at me the whole time. Shit.

I bought a pair of sneakers today. They are white with black stripes. I have worn only Dansko shoes religiously for the last 5 years because, I’ve been telling myself, they are good for lumbar support, The truth is that I am too lazy to tie my shoelaces.

But I bought some sneakers anyway. Danskos are cool and everything, but they don’t provide any spring in ones step. I tried on 8 pairs of sneaks before I found the pair that brought me back to the age of 8 and inspired in me that feeling of wanting to run really fast and jump really high.

I ran really fast and jumped really high (well, not really fast or really high, but it FELT that way). It made me laugh out loud.

Sneakers are also a lot quieter than most other shoes. You can perform your stealth missions of avoidance throughout the day with a lot more ease and comfort. The added bonus is, of course, that you can run away really fast if you fail your mission.

Sneakers look good on the floor next to a crumpled pair of jeans at the end of the day. They symbolize comfort and utility.

It is worth it to have to tie the laces. You can add it to your morning ritual: Coffee, food, bathing, reading the paper, tying your sneakers

It’s cool if you think sneakers are for kids and you are too mature or whatever to wear them all of the time. Or, you have seven hundred pairs of shoes because shoe obsession is one of your dirty little secrets. Or you’re the kind of lady who wants that sexy leg feel of a hot pair of high-heels. Or sneakers make your feet look big. But do me a favor and treat yourself to a new pair of sneaks. Wear them around for a day, just to revisit that new sneaks feeling.

Then you can give ‘em away to the thrift store and let someone else have a go at it.

Think about it.

Today I bled from my fingertips.
I bled from my arm.
I bled from where my skin used to be.
I bled from my heart, wishing it were from my nose.

I wonder if he’d have prederred death by crocodile attack…

Steve Irwin killed in freak accident
05 September 2006

By DAVID WILLIAMS, LOUSIA HEARN and AAP
Sydney Morning Herald

Television personality and environmentalist Steve Irwin has died from a stingray wound while filming off north Queensland.

Friends believe he may have died instantly when struck by a stingray as he filmed a sequence for his eight-year-old daughter Bindi’s new TV series.

Irwin’s friend of 20 years, Ferre De Deyne said Irwin had been struck by the stingray while filming. “The stingray just happened to be swimming around and out of the blue whacked his tail at him,” he said.

“It is absolutely tragic. I have dived so many times with stingrays and they are usually very placid things,” he said.

Known worldwide as the Crocodile Hunter, 44-year-old Irwin was famous for his enthusiasm for wildlife and his catchcry “Crikey!”

‘Non-survivable injuries’

Irwin had been filming a new documentary called Ocean’s Deadliest with friend and manager John Stainton at Batt Reef, off Port Douglas about 11am.

“He came over the top of a stingray and the stingray’s barb went up and went into his chest and put a hole into his heart,” Mr Stainton said.

“It’s likely that he possibly died instantly when the barb hit him, and I don’t think that he … felt any pain.

“He died doing what he loved best.”

Irwin was pulled aboard his research vessel, Croc One, for a 30-minute dash to Low Isle, where a Queensland Rescue Helicopter had been summoned, his Australia Zoo said in a statement.

The crew of the Croc One performed constant CPR during the voyage to Low Isle, but medical staff pronounced him dead about noon.

“It became clear fairly soon that he had non-survivable injuries,” said Dr Ed O’Loughlin, who treated Irwin at the scene.

“He had a penetrating injury to the left front of his chest.

“He had lost his pulse and wasn’t breathing.”

Dr O’Loughlin said it appeared Mr Irwin had suffered a “form of cardiac arrest” but a post-mortem examination would be conducted in Cairns.

Well, Maddy, Cassidy, and I raised $200 today at our yard sale. Said money is put aside to try to get Maddy to Chicago with us, if Cassidy even gets to come. Duhblughub I am tired from sitting all day and saying things like “how ’bout a buck?” to complete strangers holding some piece of my junk in their hands.
Vera la chatte has made an art of ignoring me completely. So much for company…
Tomorrow, more yard sale, then Monday is time to take care of all the bidness I need to take care of before I leave for Urbana-Champaign.
Tips for the curious:
1. Do not paint your toenails in the grass or the sand.
2. Learn how to make polenta.
3. Do not sit on your feet when they are dirty and your pants are white.
4. Do not sit on your feet when you are wearing shoes that have walked through spit.
5. Do not scratch your eyes after handling vinegar.
6. Do not breath when you are pouring hot vinegar water into the pickling jar.
7. Do find out more about Winco’s business and employer practices.
8. Tell your kids you love them every day.
9. Do not smoke a cigarette right before going in to see your doctor and then ask what you can do to manage your blood pressure.
10. Do not forget about Julie Driscoll and Brian Auger.

Since last time…
Have not cooked a real meal.
Have lost interest in my garden.
Have lost the immediate presence of my love (I vote “crap”), as well as a decline in meaningful communication. The every other day 5 minute peripheral and obligatory “I love you” phone call is simply not covering the ground missed.
Have worked like a motherfuckin’ dog for government-funded $8.50/hour, while attempting to maintain some sort of normality and pretend that I am being productive.
Have thought far too much about contradictions in unions (unfortunately not only thought, but felt)
Have spent so much time alone that I think I have forgotten the fine art of conversation. I may be reduced to grunts and sighs, with the occassional nervous giggle that nobody laughs along with.
On the upside:
Had a great pal stay with me for a few days on her way to Costa Rica. She left me her cat (Vera) and a permanent reminder of the love that we share.
Tomorrow, Cassidy, Maddy, and I will have a yard sale (non-union, of course) where we will try to raise money for airplane tickets to Patrick. (Did I mention that I vote “crap” on his absence?). Pass it on to the union in Champaign that is “paying” him to be away from us.
I have been having dreams about playing music, something that I have foregone recently in favor of trying to realize ideals about what it means to be a student.
I have been re-watching the pink panther movies. I recommend this activity.
Love,
Raenie

my father is an artist

It’s been a while since I’ve written…
I have kept most of my thoughts deep deep inside lately because they are dark and light at the same time and I am not sure how to express them. School=worst job I’ve done thus far. My friend died and I left town for a week to re-visit Pedro and say goodbye to Steve and hello to other old friends. Some of the constants remain the same, and a lot of the sporatics are not keeping true to themselves. Yet, they are all at the same time constant in my heart and sporatic in contact. How does that happen? And is it a bad thing. I am beginning to think it is bad. i have thus far placed so much value in lasting friendships that don’t need a lot of upkeep, but when one of them goes away, I regret the lack of every day. A tough return, all around.
The result of this all-important trip is that I have fallen behind in summer term and am suffering the consequences in a big way. I am used to getting mostly A’s. This term could be all C’s. Ouch, motherfuckin’ ouch.

Pattty Joe has gone to Champaign/Urbana for 6 weeks. Another big ouch. All I can say is that I am studyuing the world of immunity in our bodies and minds right now and I know that most of my boo-boos are temporary. Thank god (or something) for our immune systems.

I’ll write more about the upside of my life when I can articulate it…

As Robert Vodicka has taught me,
Take care and stay free,
Raenie

Aujourd’hui est mercredi, je pense. J’ai fini mes examens finaux jeudi et maintenant j’ai cette semaine libère. Je veux courir et jouer avec patrick, mais il est en déplacement, donc je suis surtout seul. que fais-je? J’étudie pour le terme prochain parce que je suis l’idiot qui veut tout A’s. Je manque patrick et je suis contrarié par que nous ne sommes pas ensemble pendant ce temps libre de l’école, mais en même temps j’apprécie comme une bonne partie du temps seul comme je peux. Je dois dire au revoir maintenant, mes chiens aboient à rien. ils ont besoin d’aller pour une randonnée dans les collines.